More Complicated Issues I’m Still Unsure AboutĢ. Might switch Gadiriel’s earthly nickname from “the Lady” to “the Queen of Angels”, to emphasize LA connection. Might rework the part where All Your Heart discovers Ana in San Francisco to include something where the Captain had a vision that Ana would be there and that saving her would be their way to get a kabbalist to run the yellow sail. You can also have standing prayers so that you can eg speak a Name quickly in combat.ġ4. You need theoretical kabbalah skills to figure out what a Name does and direct it correctly. Planning to replace this with something where the theonomics have a machine that can sense whether a useful Name was spoken in their vicinity, but otherwise Names do nothing until you direct them with some kind of prayer. The thing where you feel the meaning of a Name rush through you the first time you speak it is too hokey. Am I on shaky legal ground including a character who is in the body of Buffy the Vampire Slayer and/or a living real-world actress? If so, how do I rebrand Sarah? Bonus points if the name sounds like “Enion”, for kabbalistic reasons.ġ3. Comet King’s boat will keep being named “All Your Heart”, not get gag-renamed “Not A Metaphor”ġ2. Will have to remove the “I am Erica”/America pun, I guess.ġ1. Rename Erica -> Valerie, for kabbalistic reasons. But then where does the second head come from? Maybe he only has one head?ġ0. Plausibly this is because God tells him the secret of theodicy and he realizes that evil is necessary. I’d rather having something like Sataniel (good angel) turns evil and renames himself Thamiel. Sataniel meets Thamiel, turns evil, and then gets randomly killed off seems unnecessarily complicated. Merge the characters of Sataniel and Thamiel. It got a lot of space for something that never came up later or became plot relevant, and everyone assumed I was going somewhere amazing with it.ĩ. Delete Chapter 60 (Robin visiting Dylan to learn how to summon Thamiel) as insufficiently tight – I can just have Robin summon Thamiel later and nobody will be surprised that she knows some way to do it.Ĩ. But I don’t know where else to fit in that scene where Metatron takes the Shem HaMephorash away from the Comet King. Would like to delete the whole solar eclipse sequence, which led to a lot of really boring unnecessary Sohu chapters. Will delete Interlude Nun (the Rosh Hashanah Changelog interlude) same reasoning as aboveĦ. Will delete Chapter 18 (the Passover chapter) since it’s kind of irrelevant outside the context of a serial that is updating on Passover.ĥ. But then do I keep the story in Interlude Chet where someone golem-izes the Terracotta Army, or do I nix that as plot irrelevant?Ĥ. More people were confused than amused, and the benefit from gagginess is probably lower than risk of being accused of racism or Orientalism or something. Probably will drop “the Harmonious Jade Dragon Empire” as a random gag when referring to China. Wade, but maybe I can shoehorn some of that in elsewhere (any suggestions?)ģ. I’m kind of sad I have to delete Comet West’s speech, Aaron’s digression on the word “maiden”, and the cosmic significance of Roe v. I feel like Chapter 17 is a bit out of character for the rest of the book, and we don’t really need to know anything about the Comet King’s birth except that he was born of Comet West. Probably will delete Chapter 17, “No Earthly Parents I Confess” with the mythological birth of the Comet King, in favor of having the Comet King offhandedly mention his birth in Chapter 29, “Who Respects The Infant’s Faith” (which he basically already does). Plan to excise the Unitarian plotline and just call that whole group of people “Singers” permanently.Ģ. I equivocate between the terms “Unitarians” and “Singers” pretty frequently, and it takes a bit of a stretch to establish everyone as Unitarians. Simple Issues I’ve Already Kind Of Decided But Would Welcome Feedback On Anywayġ. If you have read it, I welcome your input. If you haven’t read Unsong yet, you may not want to read further. I’m going to list some of my thoughts below. This post is to solicit feedback on what needs improvement and how it could be improved. But I want something I’m happy with before I give it to someone else to tear apart. I know publishers will have their own editors and their own demands. A few years ago, I wrote the online serial novel Unsong.
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